Wobbly Week

I'm having a wobbly week - you know, one of those weeks where you've got 'The Fear' constantly. I'm not sure what kicked it off but I've just been ultra-worried about my daughter and the dreaded day when she catches a stomach bug. What are my main worries with this? Ha, how long have you got?! Well, my other half and I have an agreement that he will look after her if she gets ill but...

Worry 1) What if it happens during the day while he's at work. It's bound to happen at some point and I'll have to deal with it. I can't stand seeing it or hearing it so trying to comfort an upset, vomiting child is going to give me a heart attack.

Worry 2) What if I'm not able to keep calm and comfort her and not make a big deal out of it. I really, really more than anything don't want her to end up with my phobia and surely that's exactly what will happen if I show even the slightest bit of panic when she gets ill. Which I will. I want to be able to be casual and matter-of-fact about it so she sees it as merely an unpleasant experience that one has to go through every now and again.

Worry 3) The 48 hour wait. It's a given that if you are exposed to a stomach bug, that you'll experience symptoms within 48 hours, if you're unlucky enough to catch it. So if my daughter (or my other half, for that matter) get ill, I'll have an agonising wait, counting down the seconds until I fall ill myself. Not leaving the house in case it strikes while I'm out; not eating anything in case it strikes; analysing every little stomach gurgle or feeling of mild nausea... and probably psychosomaticising symptoms!

Worry 4) Looking after my daughter while I'm ill myself. How on earth do single mums do this? These kind of bugs knock you flat so how on earth do you even leave your bed (or the bathroom!) to look after a child.

To top it all off, I was walking through town with a friend and our little ones and I saw some vomit on the floor, I wheeled the buggy as far away from it as possible but then I noticed a kid next to it, coughing and it dawned on me this kid had just done it. PHOBIA OVERDRIVE! I am now on the 48 hour wait - I have it in my head that possible particles flew through the air and might have landed on me or my daughter and we will get ill. I mean, who thinks like that?! I am MENTAL.

I just want to be able to enjoy my daughter, and enjoy being a mum but this bastard phobia is always in the back of my mind, ruining everything.

Book Review

Right then, Judgement Day... Living With Emetophobia: Coping With Extreme Fear Of Vomiting - this book is really interesting as the author is very open and honest about her fear, detailing all her irrational thoughts and tendencies. BUT, it's pretty much just a big long book about what it's like being an Emetophobe. It's also pretty disheartening that she tells us all about her many trips to different psychologists, none of whom have been able to help her and she states she feels she'll never find a cure. This is the last thing we want to hear 'eh?

It would make a great read for a partner or family member who you feel doesn't understand where you're coming from, but if you're living in hope that it might help you, sadly I don't think it will. The word 'coping' in the title, is probably a little misleading as it doesn't really help you cope, it just gives you strength in the knowledge that you're not alone. I also get the feeling that she slates methods of treatment purely because they haven't worked for her, which is probably a little harsh as what doesn't work for her may well be someone elses miracle.

In short - you won't find anything that can't be found on the emetophobia forums we all like to frequent. Sorry guys.

Next... The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook.

The Book

So far, not great in my opinion. I'll start a more in-depth review tonight (Leigh Ann, I only saw the comment you left me a month ago, I'm so sorry!) so you guys will know whether it'll be something that might help you or not.

What is it?

What is it that us emetophobes fear so much? Emetophobia isn't like other phobias, it's different for each emetophobe. Arachnophobia for example, is a fear of spiders. It's not a fear of spiders of a certain size, or colour or type, it's just a fear of spiders. Emetophobia is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. I can pretty much guarantee that as an emetophobe, you'll have lots of elements to your phobia, with each one being prioritised from absolute worst to least worst. And these will be different for each emet.

To be general about it, it can be broken down into three main categories. Category a) people who are afraid of themselves vomiting. Category b) people who are afraid of other people vomiting. And category c) people who are afraid of both themselves and of other people vomiting. And no matter which category you fall into, you won't be scared of the same element as every other person in that category. By 'element' I mean whatever part of the vomiting process you're scared of.

For example, I'd say I fall into category a). I used to be category c). but over the years, as I've explored my phobia in-depth I've realised that while I really don't like it when others vomit and can't physically bring myself to watch, that's not the crux of my phobia. (disclaimer - if someone has noro and vomits then I am scared. I am more than scared, I am TERRIFIED. Although analysing this further I've realised that this is still category a) as it's merely me being scared of catching noro and vomiting myself). It's complicated isn't it?

So what is your thing? what is is about vomiting that puts the fear up you? Is it the loss of control? A lot of emetophobes are control freaks to a certain extent, and vomiting is a bodily function that we often don't have control over. Is it the fear of doing it in public? I'm a bit scared of this, it would be horrendous but it's not the main fear within my fear. My main fears are the feelings that you get leading up to it - the bubbling, churning, hot stomach; the gas and bile rising in your throat; the cold sweat you break out in. I'm freaking out just typing about it! Also the sight and sound of it. I'm terrified of hearing and seeing myself doing it but how can I avoid it! ARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH, I need to go and lie down!