Deflated

After finding the information on the internet that God accepts direct referrals, I called my surgery and the receptionist told me to drop a note in and the doctor would take a look and write a referral letter. I took a note up there requesting they do that, along with the printed page from Gods website as proof that I didn't need to go through the community team as first thought. (For those of you who don't know the history here - I'm not asking my doctor to refer me to God God, merely to the top emetophobia doctor in the country who, to me, is God!).

I get a call yesterday from my doctor, explaining she'd got my note. Unfortunately all is not quite as it might seem. For those of you unfamiliar with the NHS, it's all about budgets and funding... or lack of. Doctors in my area can refer directly to God, but only if the surgery they're attached to, allocates it's own budget. Mine does not. My heart sinks. She goes on to say she's on my side and agrees that 'failing' at normal therapy first (for which there's already a year-long waiting list!) is a bit extreme. She will call the Commissioner for Mental Health in my area and see if there's a possibility of them funding a referral or being seen for 'normal' therapy sooner than a year. I feel optimistic and excited again.

Well she called me back today and said it's not going to happen. The Commissioner won't fund my referral. She said she'll appeal on my behalf and asked me to contact my Health Visitor and ask for a letter of support (on the grounds that I get nervous taking my daughter to groups due to bugs etc so my phobia is therefore potentially affecting her) to go with the doctors appeal. She also said not to get my hopes up. It makes me feel like shit that my phobia potentially affects my daughter.

Looks like I'll have to wait a year for 'normal' therapy then. Which is likely to fail, as I've had CBT before and it didn't work. I'm already dreading the prospect of the next season of winter vomiting virus and we're only just out of this one.

Bored of this phobia ruling my life now.